?????

I'm going to be completely honest now: my writing disgusts me. Especially on this blog. Even writing this right now makes me want to hide underneath my bed covers crying and listening to sad playlists on 8tracks. It's just so forced, and I hate it.

Writing is supposed to be my thing. I am lagom in everything but I always used to think that if it's something that I'm at least a little bit better at it is to write. It has been that way since I was 8 and sat in our computer room (old sk00l) composing magazines and short stories, since I was 14 and ran a gazillion blogs on different topics, but back then I was still naive and inexperienced (which I'm still by the way, but dare I say not as much). Then I got the same grade in swedish as in maths and I was like: ????? because swedish was suppose to be my thing because that's where you write words. Like what the hell, I even solved all my math problems in words and instead of algebraic expressions. So I turned to english. But then I started an international school and began reading more books and blogs in english and so I realized that I suck in that language as well.
Yes I know that grades aren't everything that counts but I can feel it myself: I have hated everything I write this year. My words suck. My sentences suck.
And it frustrates me so much because I have always wanted to study something where you write alot at uni but at the same time always wanted to study in english and now I'm like ???? again because I will not make it.

What I wanted to say that I know that this blog isn't beautifully composed with perfect writing. To be honest, it couldn't be more short cut and descriptive. It's not even bad in a beautifully artsy way. It's just bad. I thought of switching to Swedish because then it becomes a little bit better but whatever. I think I'm going to fight through it.
sorry eight year old me.